Social relationships and texting : Social Development

Social relationships and texting

Jan. 11, 2013 at 4:32 PM ET

The new rules for dating in the digital age.

The two women behind "The Rules, " the dating Bible on how to play hard-to-get, have given their 1995 guidebook a reboot to help single ladies take back control of love lives lost to social media.

Texting and Twitter may not have existed when the original handbook came out, but “Not Your Mother’s Rules: The New Secrets for Dating” relays the same message now that "The Rules" did back then: be mysterious and you’ll get the guy.

“It’s harder today, because 20 years ago, there was just the phone. Not even cell phones, ” said Sherrie Schneider, who co-wrote the book with Ellen Fein. “Today, a guy can text you, IM (instant message) you, Skype you, G-chat. He can get you in 10 different technologies. It’s harder to be mysterious. It’s harder to be elusive because he can see everywhere you are. You post updates – you’re at Starbucks. You’re an open book.”

First and foremost, the authors (still) discourage women from initiating the first step in any conversation.

“We had women who would tell us, ‘I love your ‘Rules’ and I don’t call guys, I don’t email – but I write them on Facebook, ’ They thought by not calling, they could IM them and do everything else, ” said Fein. “No, it doesn’t work like that.”

Once a man does show interest, the Rules say you need to show some restraint.

Wait a minimum of four hours before responding to a text message – and that’s only allowed if you’re in your 20s. If you’re 30-something, waiting at least half a day won’t hurt, according to the “text-back” guide listed in the book’s chapter devoted to texting.

“He shouldn’t get you so quickly. You’re not even in a relationship. He barely knows who you are, ” Schneider said. “You can wait four hours. He doesn’t know your schedule yet so he can’t say, ‘Oh, you’re playing hard to get.’”

Fein recalled one woman who described how she lost her cell phone in a Bloomingdale’s dressing room. She found it a day later and discovered numerous text messages from a man she had wanted to pursue. The delay in her response landed her a date that very weekend, Fein said.

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It was, and I totally agree with your assessment

by PB-Strikes-Back

That we're already at that point where we're finding comfort, and even relationships, based solely on technology.
It's been around for some time now, with online dating sites creating long distance relationships, for example. But it's going even a step further where people who are friends, rather than talk to one another when out, sit across the table from one another texting and checking facebook. It's almost as though the cyber world has taken precedence over physical interaction.
"Her" I think reflects what the eventual end result of this will be. It's social networking and love of technology taken to the next level

Well said 'n0mer

by futbol09

I totally agree with you. It seems like less and less relationships last and monogamy seems to less common. In addition to the higher demand of instant gratification, there's also technology which has greatly increased communications (in positive and negative ways) with the internet, social networking, texting and email. Or maybe I'm just old fashion but I still hold my grandparents relationship as ideal.

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